The Saiyan Formerly Known As Prince/Transcript
DISCLAIMER VEGETA: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (cuts to an an outside shot of Frieza's ship and then shifts to the inside where Goku is still seen recovering in the healing tank) GOKU: (thinking while inside the tank) ♪You put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both up♪ ♪You put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both up...♪ KING KAI: (telepathically) Goku, come in! GOKU: (telepathically) Oh, hey, King Kai! (shifts to King Kai's planet) KING KAI: Your friends are in trouble, Goku. (telepathically) Are you healed yet? GOKU: Uh... Nah, I don't think so. KING KAI: Well, how long do you think it's gonna take? GOKU: Well, I think the machine will tell me when I'm done. KING KAI: Okay, you think or you'' know''? GOKU: (after a brief pause) ♪You put the lime in the coconut and...♪ KING KAI: Goku! GOKU: Aw, come on, King Kai, they don't need my help. I bet they're doing just fine on their own. (shifts to planet Namek) VEGETA: Healer's down! KRILLIN: Need a rez! GOHAN: Out of mana! VEGETA: AAAAAAAH! KRILLIN: AAAAAAAH! GOHAN: AAAAAAAH! SEQUENCE FRIEZA: It's been so long since I've had to use this form. It feels like an old suit I never have an occasion to wear. (disappears and then reappears behind the group) Unfortunately, whenever I put it on... (looks over to Dende's corpse) ...someone dies. GOHAN: Dende... no! FRIEZA: Oh, don't cry for the poor thing. I've saved him the fate of seeing what I'm about to do to you. VEGETA: Joke's on you; he hated the bald one. KRILLIN: Hey, that's not fair! (looks at Piccolo) He just met Piccolo! (Frieza shoots a Death Beam aimed directly at Gohan, who just stands there paralyzed in shock) VEGETA: Get down! (Vegeta rushes in and pushes Gohan onto the ground, evading the Death Beam. The attack then hits an island in the distance, obliterating it in a flash of light.) KRILLIN: I couldn't even follow that attack...! It was almost instantaneous! VEGETA: Yep. Just gonna stand here and keep bein' awesome. PICCOLO: There's nothing we can do against that kind of power! VEGETA: Uh, hello? Awesome, right here. GOHAN: We're all gonna die! VEGETA: You know what? All of you better duck, because I'm about to turn left, and I don't wanna smack you with my dick. FRIEZA: Oh, look at you, Vegeta. You're really going to fight me. Well, not-- not really "fight", more like, "flailing angrily". VEGETA: Make your jokes while you can, Frieza. Because I can now see the peak of your power, while I'm only beginning to tap into mine... FRIEZA: I feel like we've been here before. Have we been here before? VEGETA: You see, I have finally realized the legend... FRIEZA: Oh, my God, this IS happening again! VEGETA: That's right, you're not dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore, Frieza... I, Vegeta, have finally become... the legendary Super Saiyan! FRIEZA: Okay, seriously, first off, "Super Saiyan". What is that? What even is that? I'll tell you what it is, it's just some stupid legend passed by your filthy monkey ancestors around a campfire like it was their own dung. Let me tell you, Vegeta, I don't deal in legends, I deal in facts. And here's a fact: by the end of this, you are going to be crying, like a little... bitch. (Short pause...) VEGETA: Bitch, you just jealous of my Super Saiyan swagger. FRIEZA: Oh, for f**k's sake. (Vegeta dashes at Frieza and tries to attack him, but Frieza disappears and avoids the attack. Frieza then reappears in front of a rock and dodges another attack from Vegeta. Vegeta then goes on the offensive and starts attacking Frieza rapidly, causing the latter to go on the defensive.) VEGETA: (thinking) Yes! I have him on the ropes! All he can do is dodge me! FRIEZA: (thinking) God, Zarbon's dead, Dodoria's dead, the Ginyus are dead... This has been one giant mess. It's just like that jockstrap incident only now I don't have Ginyu around to dig the holes. VEGETA: AAAAAAA... (tries to perform a double axe handle on Frieza, but he disappears again) Huh? Wha...? FRIEZA: (is seen on an island) This may be a little off-topic, but how good are you at digging holes? VEGETA: What the... FRIEZA: I mean, besides the one you've already dug yourself into. VEGETA: Rrgh... Don't you mock me! (charges up energy) FRIEZA:: Oh? VEGETA: YAAAH! (Vegeta fires an energy blast at the island but Frieza leaps away and flies off in the sky. Vegeta proceeds to fire a Super Energy Wave Volley after the tyrant.) VEGETA: (while firing each blast) Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! KRILLIN: I don't get it, why can't Vegeta hit him? (Vegeta is seen blasting while saying "Daka, daka, daka!") PICCOLO: Because he keeps aiming where he is instead of where he's going to be! (Frieza appears in front of Piccolo, Krillin, and Gohan) GOHAN: Ahh! PICCOLO: (thinking) Oh, crap. KRILLIN: So, does this mean we should...? PICCOLO: DODGE! (grabs Gohan and Krillin and flies out of the way) VEGETA: Daka, daka, daka, daka, daka! (Frieza appears in front of Vegeta) Aah! FRIEZA: So, are we done playing children's games, Vegeta, or do I have to tickle you? (wags his tail in front of Vegeta's face) Eh, eh? Kitchy-koo. Kitchy-kitchy-kitchy-koo. VEGETA: (starts stammering in anger) Stop it or I'm gonna blow you up! (flies up and starts powering up) We'll see how you stand up... to everything I've got! Take... my Super Saiyan WRATH! (fires his ultimate technique, the Final Burst Cannon, at Frieza) FREEZA: (thinking) Oh, and I should probably send the Ginyus' families something... Perhaps some wine, a gift basket. (kicks Vegeta's Final Burst Cannon into outer space) Or maybe gift baskets with wine. VEGETA: (falters and starts trembling) Wh-What? How... How is that...? Gah... FRIEZA: See, it's like I told you, Vegeta. Like a bitch. VEGETA: (voice cracking down, trying to hold back tears) Shut up! FRIEZA: Oh, my God, you actually are crying! (shows Vegeta actually crying like a little bitch) VEGETA: (hoarsely) I'm not crying! I'm not...! FRIEZA: Honestly, now I just feel bad. Usually, I just blow up whatever's in my way, but with you I've gotten kind of attached. It's sort of like putting down old Space yeller. KRILLIN: (off-screen) How is that a thing? FRIEZA: It's sad, really. But before we part ways, Vegeta, let me tell you a tale. (swats Vegeta with his tail) VEGETA: Ahhh! FRIEZA: The end. (Vegeta flies straight into the water. Frieza lands on a rock and pushes the water away with telekinesis. Vegeta is seen on the ground, with a Namekian crab walking on his back.) FRIEZA: See that, Vegeta? Now for my next trick: I'm going to make an asshole disappear. (begins walking up to Vegeta) ORPHEUS: Wagwan, brethren Vegeta? Me be a spirit animal. And me here tell you how to mash up that bumbaclot Frieza. All ya gotta do is... (Frieza eats half his body) Aaah! (Frieza eats the rest of him) Aaah! FRiEZA: *gulp* Hey, Vegeta. VEGETA: Wha-What? (Frieza punches him in the back) Ahhh! FRiEZA: Stop hitting yourself. (Frieza punches Vegeta again) VEGETA: Ugh! FRIEZA: Stop hitting yourself. (Frieza punches Vegeta again) VEGETA: Augh! FRIEZA: Stop hitting yourself. (Frieza punches Vegeta again) VEGETA: Ah-hagh! (Frieza drops Vegeta onto the ground) VEGETA: (muffled) You're the one hitting me! FRIEZA: Au contraire, Vegeta, you brought this upon yourself. (Frieza kicks Vegeta twice, sending him into the sky with the second kick, and then elbows him in the stomach before striking him toward the ground with his tail, who falls down in front of Piccolo, Gohan, and Krillin.) KRILLIN: (looks at Vegeta's beaten body) Should... we... help... him? (Frieza appears in front of everyone, shocking them) FRIEZA: Oh, go ahead. Pool's open; water's fine. (everyone is terrified and does not move) Hmm, no? Just going to stand there like a bunch of piss-ants? Thought so. (starts grabbing Vegeta with his tail) Now, where were we? Oh, right, I believe it was... kidney punch. (repeatedly punches Vegeta in the back) Kidney punch, kidney punch, kidney punch, and pause... kidney punch. (cuts to Goku inside the healing tank) GOKU: (thinking) ♪Row, row, row your boat♪ ♪Gently down the stream♪ ♪Merrily merrily merrily merrily♪ ♪Life is but a dream♪ ♪Row, row, row your boat...♪ (continues singing refrain) KING KAI: ♪Row, row, row your boat♪ ♪Gently down the stream♪ ♪Merrily merrily merrily merrily♪ ♪Life is but a dream♪ ♪Row, row, row your boat...♪ (continues singing refrain) TIEN: ♪Row, row, row your boat♪ ♪Gently down the stream♪ ♪Merrily merrily merrily merrily♪ ♪Life is but a dream♪ ♪Row, row, row your boat...♪ YAMCHA: *gasps* (a beeping noise is heard) GOKU: Pod's done! (destroys the healing tank and flies out of Frieza's ship) (Cuts to Vegeta getting thrown into a cliff and knocked down onto the ground. Frieza is seen walking up to Vegeta's now incapacitated body.) FRIEZA: It seems our game is over, Vegeta. (grabs Vegeta by the armor) Now that we're done here, it's time to send you crying home to mommy. VEGETA: (with tears flowing in his eye) My mother's dead... FRIEZA: I know. HYEEEAAAAAA... (prepares to deliver the finishing blow to Vegeta but Goku arrives just in the nick of time, much to the surprise of everyone) FRIEZA: Who...? GOKU: Hey guys, how's it going? Piccolo, when did you come back? PICCOLO: Uh, Dragon Balls. GOKU: Oh, neat. Hey, Krillin. That armor looks funny on you. GOHAN: Hey, Dad! GOKU: Hey. (to FrIeza) So, are you that "Freezer" guy? FRIEZA: (hesitantly) I am Lord Frieza, yes. GOKU: (cheerfully) Awesome! I'mma deck you in the schnozz! (Frieza stares blankly for a second, then drops Vegeta) VEGETA: Ow... FRIEZA: I'm sorry, that's a new one. Uh, who are you, exactly? GOKU: I'm Goku... I'm insane... from Earth. (Freeza gives off a blank stare) VEGETA: (weakly) He means "Saiyan". FRIEZA: Ugh, between you and the Namekian I think I've lost my touch at genocide. GOKU: What's wrong, Vegeta? Did Freezer do this to you? FRIEZA: Oh look, he's all concerned. I'm impressed, Vegeta; you managed to make a friend. VEGETA: (weakly) Hate you. Hate you both. FRIEZA: Unfortunately, Vegeta and I were having a disagreement. He wanted himself to live, and, well... I didn't. GOKU: (confused) Why do you want to die? FRIEZA: What--? No, I... I-I mea-- I meant I want him to die. GOKU: Is it 'cause you look weird? FRIEZA: (eyes widen) ...WHAT? GOKU:'' Well, you know, you got that big head, those weird lips, and that tail... ''(Frieza gets angry and fires a beam at Goku. Goku swats the blast away.) ...and you don't have ears... FRIEZA: Okay, no. (Frieza shoots multiple beams that Goku swats away effortlessly. The last beam Goku defects hits the ground covering him in smoke.) GOKU: ...and to top it all off, you're really kind of a jerk. FRIEZA: (shocked) And apparently, this is now happening. Vegeta! Explain! (Vegeta laugh weakly on the ground) FRIEZA: What are you...? VEGETA: (weakly) You see, Frieza, you aren't dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore... FRIEZA: (getting angrier with each word) OH, MY GOD. VEGETA: (weakly) He has risen above and become a legend... the legend that you fear... He has become... a Super Sai-- (Frieza blasts him in the chest with a Death Beam. Vegeta gasps, then collapses.) GOKU: *gasps* Vegeta! FRIEZA: No, seriously, you have no idea how old that got. SEQUENCE STINGER VEGETA: Laugh while you can, Frieza. Because I'm about to rock you... like a hurricane. ("Rock You Like A Hurricane" by Scorpion plays as Vegeta levitates a rock and punches it at Frieza. Frieza easily breaks the rock.) VEGETA: Huh. I should've know that was only a one-hit wonder.